The Truth In
Print, August 2006 Vol. 12 Issue 8
Helping to Avoid Divorce When You Know It’s Coming
That our society is torn by divorce we all
know. One of every two marriages generally end in divorce. If this were not bad
enough, the matter has affected the church we are a members of. When you
consider this astounding statistic you often contrast it with what our Lord
said during His ministry. Above all that man will ever have to say about
marriage and divorce, what He says is what people should hear and do. He is the
one with the authority, not man (Matt. 28:18-20).
Matthew 19:3-10
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting
him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every
cause? [4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which
made them at the beginning made them male and female, [5] And said, For this
cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and
they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one
flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. [7]
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement,
and to put her away? [8] He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of
your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was
not so. [9] And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be
for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth
her which is put away doth commit adultery.
[10] His disciples say unto him, If the
case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
I. Jesus did not say that man could not put asunder what
God joined together.
What Jesus said is do not put asunder what
God has joined together. It is obvious that man can put asunder what God has
joined. There are two people in a marriage, and it only takes one person’s
“will” to do that which ought not to be done.
II. The Putting Away Itself Can Be A Sin.
Divorce is not a sin when it is for the
reason of fornication having been committed by one’s spouse (Cf. Matt. 19:9).
Jesus allowed this for the reason of the sin of fornication committed by one’s
spouse. God has the authority, not man. This is the one reason that Jesus gave
for divorce. Outside of that one reason Jesus said, “Wherefore they are no more
twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put
asunder.”
III. A Pattern That Has Developed Within the Church.
Over the years I have seen a “pattern”
develop within the church. I’m not talking about the world now, for we know
that the world pays little attention to this important matter. Just like the
world, though, among members of the church one spouse will say that they have
fallen out of love with the other. At times even both will say it. When this is
not dealt with scripturally, and immediately, then the next step is they quit
assembling and soon leave the church altogether (See Hebrews 10:24-26 for the
eternal consequences of doing such). It is not uncommon to hear such proclaim
that they never considered themselves to be Christians to begin with, but that
they became such in order to get their prospective mate to marry them and thus
please their family as well. Now, with all of this in view what do we know is
coming? There’s going to be a divorce! They do not consult God’s word and seek
scriptural counsel from the faithful. Instead they rush to the world and seek
out those who offer them a quick worldly solution to ensure that they can
escape their marriage, and often with financial security. Sin is added to sin
in such cases and the inevitable end in sight is divorce. Isaiah said, “Woe to
the rebellious children, saith the Lord, that take counsel, but not of me; and
that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to
sin:” (Isa. 30:1). Brethren beware! Jesus gave God’s law in our text: Matt.
19:4-6, 9. Regardless of what is said, and how many come to aid the rebellious,
their sin is presumptuous and God’s wrath will come upon them (Cf. Heb.
10:24-26).
IV. The One Guarantee Our Marriages Will Last.
The one guarantee we have that our marriages
will last is for both mates to obey God’s Word to “not put asunder,” and to obey
in all other instructions concerning marriage. The sum or total of what God
teaches on marriage must be accepted (Cf. Ps. 119:160, Matt. 28:20). Ephesians
5 is just a portion of that instruction. As you read it again note that it uses
the very words Jesus did in Matt. 19:5. Consider as you read it that both, not
just one spouse, must apply the instruction for the marriage to prosper
spiritually (Cf. Eph. 5:22-33).
Both husbands and wives are instructed to
love each other. Seek out where love is our duty to our spouse and study each
passage in context carefully (Cf. Eph. 5; Col. 3; Titus 2). Understand that
“love” according to the scriptures must be studied, learned and applied (Cf. I
Cor. 13; 2 Tim. 3:16-17). Without this love we are big Zeros! (I Cor.
13:1-2.
If each Christian in a marriage does not
study and apply God’s word then there are no guarantees the marriage will last! When a mate decides they
just don’t love you then things have gone very wrong, usually for a long time,
but even then obeying God’s word will help to avoid the divorce. The words “I
don’t love you anymore” are sin when put in the context of the love God
commanded from each spouse! (Eph. 5:23, 28; Col. 3:19; Titus 2:14) To disobey
what is commanded is sin! This is sin on their part and they are “out of order”
and this must be corrected by God’s word. If not, there’s going to be a
divorce!
Generally, the mate whom they desire to
leave has sinned in various ways themselves. Thus they too need to repent
themselves and ask God, and their mate, for forgiveness for their own sins (Cf.
Ja. 5:16). If not, there’s going to be a divorce! However, they must not let
the mate desiring divorce intimidate and frighten them so as for them not to
rebuke their sin! They must warn their unruly mate who no longer loves them
(Cf. I Thess. 5:14).
When one says “I don’t love you anymore” —
it is time to admonish and warn with scripture. If not, there’s going to be a
divorce! The mate that is “out of order” is to respond to this warning with
love. “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will
love thee” (Pr. 9:8). Too often the other mate is afraid to rebuke for fear
that their mate will leave all the sooner. The point: It takes courage to
repent before God and man, to obey God in such times and thus judge and be
judged in the fear of God, faithfully, with a perfect heart (Cf. 2 Ch.
19:9-11). Take courage and follow the steps given to help in Matt. 18:15-17. If
not, there’s going to be a divorce!
When a mate follows “I don’t love you any
more” with dropping out of church, then it is time for “church discipline” – 2
Thess. 3:6. Their soul is in a lost state and they are in danger of an eternal
Hell (Heb. 10:26-27, 39; 12:28-29. Hopefully this will shame them, 2 Th. 3:14.
Help them to be restored and heal their soul and marriage, Gal. 6:2, Jude 23.
By Bob Lovelace,
evangelist